26 October 2009

Progress nonetheless

I am not sure why I am blogging right this minute, it just sort of hit me that it is what I should be doing at this very minute. Besides, I am at work, what else is there to do lol? =P

I am currently listening to some new music I have never heard before, well not properly anyway. It is a band that I have heard my sister listen to in the past, and although I had only heard a few of their songs (in small pieces as I walked by her room), I had already drawn the conclusion that I did not like them, therefore have avoided them ever since. I have recently expanded my music collection quite considerably, so everyday at work I slowly work my way through them all, often finding songs and bands that I quite enjoy. So of course, I am quite glad to admit I was wrong about them, and am happy to have gained a new band to my list of must-listen to bands.

I guess it shows that the past shouldn't always determine your present or future. There are countless examples, you may have hated a food back in the day, but I bet if you try it again now, you'll find you love it (I used to really hate tuna and eggs, now I can't get enough of them! lol). I try not to let my past control me. Man I have made so many mistakes in the past, far too many indeed. Many are minor, often reversible, but how many have I made that can't be undone, how much have these mistakes cost me?

I was chatting to dad yesterday about my the situation that happened a few months ago. He made good sense as always, damn him lol. Well, to be fair to myself, I already knew what he said was true, but I still took it as an insult for him to say it also, as if it wasn't his right to say so perhaps? Childish I know. We established, well, reconfirmed I guess, that I was as much to blame as they were. I already knew this, as if I didn't, I am not one of those fools that are so narrow minded that they can't even see, or choose not to see, that their own demise is always a consequence of actions they have taken in the past. The exact semantics of which actions I did created what reactions was not established, nor could they ever accurately be, but the general point of it all was that I made just as many mistakes as they did, therefore I am definitely to blame.

Although I still stubbornly stick by that mine weren't as bad lol.

I guess I could carry on with the cliche' line of "we learn from our mistakes, grow from them, and move on", which wouldn't be wrong of course, just I hate when you can sum it all up in such a neat little line like that. Unless your one to listen to your own ramblings, it is far too hard to take the advise as law, as you know you should. I usually listen to myself months after I should of lol, typical.

However, as the line states, we should grow and learn from it. What have I truly learned from it all? It depends on what attitude towards it I want to take. My more favourable attitude of choice (these days at least) would definitely be to attack the whole situation with a cold heart and mind, it makes me feel better inside lol. Sigh... but I know that isn't the right thing to do, it would probably do more damage in the long run. The smarter, bigger choice would obviously be with a fair, open mind. Where did I go wrong, where did they go wrong, what could of been done differently, what would I change if given the chance to do it all again? A handful of questions with a mountain load of possible answers.

Sometimes I worry that the repercussions will follow me into the future, but that is definitely no way to live, a life in fear is no life at all. I am hopeful of the future, putting the past as just that, the past. A lot has changed in such a short amount of time, at this very moment I really am running blindly, at times I think I know the way, most of the time I am pretty sure I am lost lol, but I am moving forward regardless and that's all that matters.

Another ramble to add to the collection, someday I might actually write something constructive =)


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