23 September 2010

It hurts so much its funny

I can't stop laughing, which hurts so much to do so, which makes me laugh more...

At this moment as I attempt to type this I am in pain from head to toe.  Self inflected though so not to worry!  With summer just around the corner I have finally stepped up my work out routine... well, not 'stepped up' but rather 'started' would be a more accurate description. This happens every single year though, winter comes around and I laze about... it starts to warm up and I realize I am not the fit shape I was last summer strangely enough ha. 

Thus far this week I have had 2 gym work outs, a game of mixed indoor netball and my weekly mixed indoor soccer game... too much too fast I am thinking, my upper body is the sorest it has been in a long time indeed... I nearly had a car accident on the drive home because I can't turn my neck very much lol.  I'm not kidding when I say it literally brings pain just to breath.

Oh well, it will be worth it in the not so distant future =D

Although I am scared about trying to get out of bed tomorrow!

Speaking of indoor soccer however!  A month or so ago I started playing mixed indoor soccer and am enjoying it immensely.  I'll be honest and mention the fact that we lost 6 straight games in a row, but managed to win our first ever game last week, 6 to 5!  And to top it off we played fantastically tonight and won our second game ever (and in a row), 10 to 1!  Woo go team!

Although to be honest we are absolutely terrible, but we play it for the fun so win win really.

Hmm, other than that... well as always I guess there is heaps of news to speak of, but I try to limit how much I ramble on this blog so I refrain from mentioning them all.

Well today actually was a pretty good day now that I think about it.  Sophie came back (she was away for 2 days) so it was as always just amazing to catch up with her, and actually got some pretty awesome stuff settled in regards to my thesis... well, lack of thesis but it's getting there haha.  I'm stuck with a Masters class that I need to do in parallel with my thesis at the moment and with assignment 2 due in 2 weeks I figure I should get a move on with that... which means the thesis is on hold for the time being.

On the plus side though, for said assignment 2 that is due I am tasked with developing a 'Network Intrusion Detector'... yeah I don't really know what it is either so don't worry haha.  I started it today and am rather happy to say that I did some of the best computer programming I have ever done =D  It was clean, complex, effective... it was awesome.  Yep, I am a nerd!  It is just good to see that I am always improving and it makes me excited for what the future can bring.

Anyways, not much more to say really without rambling on.  I think I might do some stretches, put a movie on then just lie very still on my bed until I fall asleep ha ha...

21 September 2010

Thesis writing

Energy is draining fast... or maybe there was none there to begin with.  With only 4 weeks until my Honours thesis is due I am still yet to write any substantial amount of words.  276 words so far to be exact... out of an approximate 20,000 needed.... yeah...

I expressed about a month ago that I was lacking my work motivation, although this happens every single year so I wasn't really concerned.  This year, however, isn't an ordinary year.  A thesis is not an ordinary piece of work.  In fact, it will be by far my biggest single piece of work I have ever done on my own in my entire life.

Wow... that's a scary realization.

Yes I know, 'what am I doing here writing this post instead of writing the thesis' you may be thinking.  Sometimes a bit of a word spill helps so I thought I would give it a go.  Besides, my hope is that in a months time I can look back on this post, with a completed thesis submitted, and reflect on the journey and be proud that I over came the hard days such as today.

It is strange though, and I think I wrote this on the post I linked above, but usually when this happens I usually somehow get into a working mode when I really need it and miraculously just pump out massive volumes of work in an impressive amount of time, always achieving a high grade.  What is different this time?  Is it a sense of overwhelming that is hindering me from even starting?  Or is it just the fact that I am lazy and I need to just sit myself down and force out some work?

The problem there is that all my best work is always done spontaneously.  You may recall that big literature review that I wrote up in only 1 day just last month.  3,500 words written in one day, on a topic I know nothing about, I am happy to announce that I got a Distinction for my efforts.  Thus proving I work best on the run.

But this is a thesis, no way could I knock it out in 1 day.  Nor even a week.  Hell, I am even pushing it to try and complete it in 1 month as it is.  And then days like this arrive where I take the day off work, have unlimited hours ahead of me, and I waste it listening to music, chatting on gchat or blogging.

Oh well, for some reason, I am still not worried... I think something is wrong with me ha.  I have 276 words done so far, let's get cracking.

19 September 2010

Blogging for the sake of it

It appears to be a full week since my last post.  That's... odd.  Is something wrong?  Not really, same old ups and downs I guess so I thought I'd pass the time and do some random pointless blogging... yay?

The preceding week was in fact one of my busiest, which when every week is insanely hectic that is really saying something... but I am not going to elaborate as it wouldn't be interesting to anyone other than myself.  However, I do always say that I write this blog purely for myself (which is true), but I guess I am in a generous mood today and would like to keep this semi interesting?

Or maybe I will just ramble to waste some time =)

Yeah, that sounds much more fun.

So... what's on my mind?  Lots of things as always. First of all I am listening to this song that is simply amazing, people like that inspire me.  If you give it a listen you must at least listen to the end part from 5 minutes onwards as it gets absolutely epic.

Moving on.

Sigh... this is my forth attempt at blogging over the last few days... I just cannot seem to organize my thoughts enough to get a coherent piece of writing together.  I have 3 unpublished posts full of ramblings, with this post this very minute not turning out any better.  Should I take it as a sign?  Alright, let's try and dot down my thoughts in small blocks...

Ok, what is on my mind?

Well for starters, my friends suck.  Which is a shame because I don't have many good friends to begin with.  The other day I tried to get them all out for dinner on a Sunday night, keeping in mind that we are all at a very busy stage in our studies as our year is coming to an end.  Of course, it doesn't happen.  Why?  No reason really.  One said he would get back to me and didn't, the other had gone out the night before and was apparently too tired, there were a few others I didn't even bother asking.

It just frustrates and saddens me as I have been living out of home since March now, and my 'friends' haven't even been to my house once... nor have they come visit me (I live about 40 minutes drive from them now).  Yet I have many many times driven down to hang with them...

Continuing on with that topic... this semester I became a tutorer at my University, something I was extremely excited about in conjunction with being rather proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone.  It is now week 11 and with countless 'yeah man I will definitely come have a look at your class' promises from friends, none came. 

I am starting to see a pattern...

Last year, I broke up badly with my long term girlfriend and had a friendship ending argument with my best friend of 15 years.  Before that fateful day, they were my world.  Sure I had heaps of other friends but as I summed up in this post that I wrote a few months back, none of them were in the 'best friend you can rely on for anything' group that these two were.

Perhaps it was foolish to invest myself in only two people?  I don't know... all I know is that ever since then life has been very hollow that's for sure.

Now, in this present day, company is scarce.  I spend far to many hours at home just wasting time by watching TV shows or playing games, waiting until it is late enough for bed time just so I can go to sleep in anticipation for the next day where I usually have work or Uni to attend.  My weekends aren't much better... I am either hung over and just watch movies, or I bum around trying to find something to do. The worst thing is how fast this all changed... it wasn't so long ago I would have a flood of text messages arriving, parties to attend, movie nights, clubbing. Now I feel like a complete outsider looking in on my own circle of friends... I guess moving out of home to be 40 minutes away doesn't help, but I didn't have a choice with that.

Just another Monday night I guess...

It should be mentioned here that whilst I feel abandoned by most, there is one person who has always been there for me.  Straight after my departure from my ex-girlfriend and ex-bestfriend I became friends with a girl who was best friends with my ex.  It is beyond words how helpful she was, I seriously owe her my life.  She picks me up from my lows, encourages me to go higher in my highs, and all for nothing in return. She may drive me absolutely insane at times, but my debt to her is endless.  Sadly she lives nearly two hours away and has a busy life so we rarely get to hang out, but the friendship is strong none the less. 

I am a big believer in fate, especially with the whole 'you never know' motto.  Every night before bed I always wonder to myself if the following day will have something exciting in store for me... and then the day arrives.  Random events that only seem to happen to me occur, funny stories to tell are experienced, an achievement I am proud of is accomplished, a complex thought to debate is conjured, a worrying concern is surfaced, and after all that I get on the the bus ride home and reminisce about the days events... only to have no one to talk to about any of those things.

Then I sit at home, and just before I go to bed, I think about what the following day has in store for me...

Not really sure if I should post this.  It isn't interesting to anyone else, and I am definitely not trying for sympathy or anything of the sort.  I just get this way sometimes, completely complex and cluttered, so a good spill of the mind can help. I have been this way for a very long time though, my posts on this blog have evidence of this since the beginning.

I guess I just thought things would be different by now, you know?

12 September 2010

Back from my party... yay.

This is kind of part two of my previous post, the one written and posted about say... 8 hours ago? Seen here.  From that post you will see the story of how I lost my phone, for it to be returned by the generosity of a very kind girl where I was able to arrange for myself to pick up my phone from her house, and that I was about to head out to a party.  One that I was in fact extremely looking forward too.

I was in somewhat of a hurry when I picked up the phone the other day and felt bad (cause, you know, it is not everyday that people give back a pretty decent phone when they could easily keep it themselves).  So on the way to my party I stopped by the supermarket for some supplies and grabbed a box of mixed chocolates, drove over to her house (unannounced) and did a bit of 'Hey, I didn't get to say thank you properly the other day, so I wanted you to have these chocolates and receive a proper thanks from me' kind of lame ass thing that I guess is kind of built within the person I am...

Thankfully it wasn't awkward at all and she was actually genuinely appreciative of the gesture.

So... we are now at 1.40am... I am back from my party very early.  Sigh... waste. of. time.  There was heaps of people, the food was good and so was the location... just I don't know.  There was hardly anyone I knew, it was absolutely freezing and all the people I did know left extremely early (around 11.30pm).  Problem is that I had had about 4 - 5 beers in anticipation of having a nice long night with my mates... which obviously meant that when they all left early and I was left with no one, I had to wonder around like a loser for a while to sober up enough to drive home.  Yay...

As fate would have it, just like countless posts of mine in the past, I yet again met someone amazing when I least expected it.  This has happened so many times in the last few months, most recently being the stunning girl who grabbed my entire attention for unknown reasons, someone I still think about today. Tonight, however, I think I met someone who was just... exactly perfect.  She was cool, casual, interesting, smart... she was just completely honest and so down to earth, whilst still being gorgeous and fun.  Sigh.  But, please, don't get me wrong, I don't just fall for any girl I meet, I in fact have quite high standards.  Standards high enough that I don't often meet many girls who meet those standards therefore it is monumental when I meet one that does... let alone surpasses them impressively.

I chatted to her for ages (I can talk to chicks when I really want to lol), it was an awesome conversation although slightly soiled because of the fact she had some drunk douche hanging around who I assume could be her boyfriend... although I could not see in any way how or why.  This girl (Amy) was the cousin of the birthday guy Mark.  Now, Mark's family has quite large noses and as myself, Amy and her douche boyfriend were looking through photo albums of the family the douche boyfriend goes "Haha, Mark has quite a large nose... Ha I can see where you get your big nose from Amy".

What... the...?

Amy just didn't really say anything, but you could tell she didn't approve (to which I don't blame her). It just annoys me so much that douche's like that have these rare, amazing, cool girlfriends while guys like me (the guys who take the time to say thanks to a stranger for returning their phone) get to have these meaningful conversations, laugh and connect with these cool girls... and then drive home by themselves.

I know my time will come soon enough, it is just so disheartening to see these apparent opportunities pass me by week after week.  Time for bed I guess.

11 September 2010

Another 'typical me' moment

Hmm, not sure how I get myself into these messes.. but alas they happen, very frequently, it just seems to be 'my thing' to have the most unlikely, coincidental events to occur.  I shall keep this one quick.

You may recall a mere 4 days ago I was a little down at how bad my luck seems to be lately, well this week adds 2 unlucky events to the list, although technically one of those eventually becomes mute... kind of.  On the Tuesday just gone, the day that was pretty memorable on its own, I drove to Uni for a change because I was running late (I rarely drive).  I arrive at Uni... had no change in my wallet so I couldn't by a parking ticket and not enough time to park at the free carpark (which has to be about 500m from the campus) so I risked it and parked in the ticket only spaces opting to put an old parking ticket (back from June 6th hehe) upside down on my dashboard in the hopes to fool any inspectors.

Well yeah... apparently the parking inspectors caught onto my foolproof scheme and booked me an impressive $72... sigh!

The next day was to be a very busy day.  My plans were to spend all day at Uni, go home (by bus) around 4.30pm, get changed into gym clothes, drive Jade (my housemate) at myself back to Uni, meet my sister who goes to the same campus as me at 5pm so I could collect something off her and then arrive at Jade's and mines spin bike class session at 5.15pm.  Easily doable, I've cut plans way closer then that before!

That idea didn't work out so well.

Along comes 4.20pm... whoops, better check what time the bus leaves to go home... damn, leaves at 4.22pm, that gives me two minutes!  I can make it! I packed up my stuff, give a hurried goodbye to Lee, run down 3 flights of stares, across the campus oval, down an embankment, up the other side, across the road, up over a flower bed to see that the bus hadn't arrived... win!  And as a side note, my fitness is definitely improving, I ran brilliantly ha!

Panting and staggering I slow down to a walk, do my standard 3 pocket hand tap (phone, keys, wallet)... hang on, wheres my phone? Check my other pockets... no phone.  Damn, is it in my bag?  Nope.  Aww man, I must of left it on my desk!

Back I run over the flower bed, across the road, down the embankment, up the other side, across the campus oval, up 3 flights of stairs to arrive back at my office... to which it was not there.  I had cargo pants on that day, an undesired conclusion was forming... it must of fallen out of my pocket whilst I was running... sigh.

By this stage it is about 4.35pm... my sister is going to be calling me at 5pm to try see where to meet up, and my housemate Jade is most likely going to catch the bus into Uni, thinking I had instead decided to just meet her there!

After about 10 laps of the oval, accusing 2 separate people of finding my phone that turned out to be their own phones and many sighs, I couldn't find it anywhere. Luckily Lee was still around so I used his phone to get into contact with my sister so she can drive me home.  Quite a debacle indeed... luckily I was able to log onto Facebook and Jade was online so I could tell her the situation and warn her not to come by bus.

Upon my sister and myself walking towards her car however (after a few more unsuccessful searches of the oval)... her phone rings, it was me!  Well, my phone =P

"Hey, yeah ummm I found your phone on the oval" said the girl on the line.

"Oh that's way awesome!"

"Yeah haha, so, what do you want me to do with it?"

Now, I guess I have a slightly negative view of humanity at times, because I said this. "Oh.. well, could I have it back please?"  As if to imply that she was going to keep it ha?

She cracked up laughing "Haha of course you can!"

She gave me her address and my sister drove me over... I was in a hurry so regrettably only gave a very brief hi and thank you (sigh... should of started a convo...).  We raced home, I got changed and Jade and I decided to do the 6pm boxing class instead, so everything worked out in the end I guess!

But yeah... what a ridiculously crazy hour...

I am about to head out now to a party right this minute, I was thinking of stopping by her house and dropping off some chocolates or something to say thanks.  Not creepy, is it? lol.

The hilarious thing was, when I turned my phone on the next morning, there appeared a picture of her and her friend set as my phones background haha!  That was definitely epic to say the least =D

08 September 2010

Well, that was eventful

Today at Uni there was an I.T event that has been planned for quite some time now... it didn't quite turn out as expected.  Kids from the surrounding high schools came to my University to see presentation and speeches from  professionals, academic staff, career advisers and past degree graduates to promote careers in I.T.  A pretty standard event for me now as this year especially I have been apart of countless events, seminars, presentations and the like, most of which are not blog worthy.  However, this day was quite eventful to say the least.

Each presenter had 8 minutes to speak, most of them were terribly boring but there were a few highlights at least.  My job for the day originally was to give a speech of my own and after wards I would be demonstrating a video game that I made last year as part of my final year project, with the aim being to show the kids what can be achieved at University, that I.T isn't always just computer code and can actually be fun etc.

Typically so I hadn't planned my speech what so ever and instead whilst the other presenters were speaking I wrote my speech on my hand ha!

Half way through the event I was standing next to the main organizer and I asked him when it was my turn to talk, to which he replied that I was not needed (the event was badly organized)... oh well, I had never spoken in front of 70 people before which was a little nerve shattering and now I didn't have to, sweet. Looking down at the blue ink on my hand that represented my 'presentation' didn't really seem very speech worthy anyways ha.

The presenters rolled by (some painfully so...) until we reached a particular speaker by the name of... we'll call him Dom.  Now Dom was a past student at a local Tafe in my area who was completing an I.T degree and was going to talk about his experiences and so on.  It started out ordinarily enough:

"Hey guys, yep I'm Dom, I am from the local Tafe.  My current degree I thought was..."


"...Sorry guys, jumped ahead of my self a bit there.  Anyways, my degree is all about..."


"...Sorry, hang on... yeah, sorry I am just a bit nervous." *takes a few deep breaths*


"Ok, where was I?  Ok, so.  Yes, so my course... it... sorry guys I'm too nervous, I am going to have to cancel, sorry guys."

And he walks out of the room!

Now, I have mixed feelings about this.  On the one hand it was pretty funny, you just don't see people walk out during a presentation like that very often!  Although to be fair, I know exactly how he feels, talking in front of a large audience can indeed be frightening to the point of panic attacks, it was only at that moment I realized I had never spoken in front of that many people before so in a way I am not entitled to laugh.  A small sigh of relief escaped me at the thought that, as excited as I originally was about doing a speech it was kind of nice to know I no longer had to.

That dream however lasted about 5 seconds until the main event organizer turns to me and says "hmm, well, that was odd.  Do you think you could give a speech now?"

I looked at speech written on the palm on my left hand... which made the situation worst ha.  I had come in with the mindset that I was going to give a speech anyways, might as well roll with it!

"Sure" I replied.

The next presenter was absolutely awesome and really woke the audience up, during which terrible thoughts were forming where I too would get to nervous and would have to walk out of the room.  Imagine how bad that would look, two presenters at the same event leaving!  After the great speech by the current presenter... next was me. Yikes! The organizer introduced me... I took the microphone, stood in front of the podium, put my left hand out in front of me to read from...

... and rambled some of the best rambling I have ever done in my life!

Well, apparently anyways.  When I re-run the speech in my mind it seems jumbled, confusing and pretty roundabout... however Sophie (my Honours supervisor), Lee (my fellow I.T Honours student at Uni) as well as the events organizer said it was absolutely brilliant.  Win! I guess =P

It wasn't until many hours later that I realized what an achievement it was (hence the reason for this post).  Previously before today I had only spoken to about 20 people at most... that being last year... which went terribly.  And not just terribly, I am talking really bad.  Cringe worthy.  Anyways.  This year I have progressed so much, you can see from my blog posts in the last few months the continued growth I seem to be achieving this year, constantly accomplishing things that I would never have been able to do even 12 months ago.

It was just nice to be able to add another achievement to my forever expanding list.  It makes me proud of myself, as well as excited for what more increasingly challenging tasks the future has in store for me.

Bring it on I think sums it up nicely =)

05 September 2010

Luck for sale?

Sigh, it appears that the world is against me these last few weeks, I am really in need of some luck. 

Please note that this post is not written for sympathy, it is written purely for myself so I don't explode =)

My Honours study is coming close to an end with a mere 7 weeks left before my Thesis is due on October 22nd... and how much have I written so far? About 500 words... sigh. I'll get it done though, I am strangely calm about the whole process (ignorantly so perhaps?).   My research went very well and I have some great results to go off, it is just the process of sitting down and actually writing the words is where I seem to lack any shred of motivation.

That however is not the pain of my existence at this taxing, hectic and essentially life defining moment of my life.  Uni work I can deal with, the trouble is trying to deal with it whilst having to deal with 10 other, often times completely unnecessary, events concurrently. 

It's funny actually because I was thinking about these things just last night while driving home from my parents house... it wasn't until today that everything pushed me over the edge (hence this post, figured I should write it down instead of bottling it all up inside).

My unlucky list:
1. Broke my iPod... yay.  Well it wasn't even mine to begin with actually as my awesome friend Sabrina lent it to me (about 8 months ago haha), but having music with me wherever I go is pretty much mandatory these days.  So yes, currently in the process of acquiring another...

2. Problem #1 is related to problem #2... because I have so much work to do at University I have cut my days at work down to a mere 2 days a week.  This means a massive slash to my weekly pay check, couple that with the expenses of living out of home and I am on a very tight budget... ($25 in my bank account at this very moment hehe).  Just more drama to deal with.

3. For anyone who knows me personally will know that my laptop is one of my most prized possessions... if I could marry it I would =P. I bought it 2 years ago for a hefty $3,300... which yes I know is an insane amount of money but its purchase is justified.  It has served me exceptionally well... until the other day.  I reinstalled my operating system for a fresh start and now, for absolutely no reason, all my video games stutter.  My favourite and most effective stress relief hobby is now in peril =(

Being in I.T I know what I am doing with computers but this one just has me stumped... I just don't have the time nor the patience right now to deal with it meaning I will have to wait quite a while before I can start playing games again. Ouch.

4. Thus we arrive at today where everything got a little too much... 

I really love my job, I have some awesome friends there, the environment is relaxed and friendly, the work is challenging and rewarding.  My current project however is absolutely ridiculous... it is overly complicated, large and the documentation I need to follow is beyond useless.  Couple that with the fact that I only work twice a week now means I am making little to no progress, obviously making me look bad...

My supervisor comes around expecting some progress and I have literally nothing new to show.  It is just annoying because the documentation I need to read so I can understand how I am meant to complete my task I swear was written by Russians or something, it makes no sense.  I spend hours on Google but that just seems to create more questions rather than answers... sigh.  I know I won't get fired or anything but still, I just hate having even more stress to combat.


Troubling times, hoping it turns around soon. I guess I am just in one of those moods where it seems like everything that can go wrong, will.  It will pass at least I know.

As a side note as I sit here writing this post... where is our summer weather!?  Winter (in Australia) has passed... yet just when it starts to warm up we have just experienced our biggest floods in 15 years.