25 February 2014

The day of the great milestone

Today, I believe, could become one of the most important milestones of my entire life. Let me start from the beginning.

In 2010 I completed my Thesis, thus graduating with Honours from my University. During this year I also taught one of the practical classes at the University, something I immensely enjoyed.

In 2011 I worked full-time at my job, spending my free time researching and saving money excessively for my planned trip to New York City, a place I had been dreaming of living in for years.

In 2012 I quit my well paying, comfortable job, and took a flight to Los Angeles and slowly backpacked my way around America, just making it up as I went.

In 2013 I finally returned home to Australia after 1-year of travel around America. Obviously, I was unemployed (which was a difficult time in my life... just joking, it was awesome!). I returned to my old University asking if they had any work available, and with my previous experience of teaching a practical class before, and of being an ex-graduate of theirs, one lecturer was happy to give me one of his practical classes to me.

Turns out that I got a pretty great score in the Student Evaluations for that class. Then as luck would have it, the lecturer whos class I took for the semester was to be taking long-service leave for the first-half of 2014. He recommended me to be his replacement in his absense.

In 2014 I got accepted to be a Lecturer at the University for two units (the units that are usually taught by the lecturer who was taking long-service leave). Wow!

My job title was 'Sessional', which is kind of like a contractor, seeing as I only work for the University on a temporary basis when a position needs filling. This means I could be teaching one semester, but then have nothing the next. I was just so grateful to have a chance to teach even for this semester, and especially as a lecturer which is a big step up from anything I had previously done for them.

Last week I got a surprise email from the Associate Head of School, to paraphase it went something like this:
"Hi Aaron, I understand you will be a Sessional with us this semester, taking over for Jason who is on long-service leave. How would you be interested in accepting a full-time contract with us instead?"


It was a nervous week awaiting if my application would be approved or not. The cynic in me said it was too good to be true (the position really was beyond my wildest dreams!), while the optimist said to keep faith and hope for the best.

Today I am no longer a Sessional at the University... instead, I became a full-time Associate Lecturer, I will be unit coordinator for a unit and lecturer for another, and I start on Monday :D

11 February 2014

I took a big step today

This was the furthest I had gotten for quite some time, so I guess that should count for something. Although if anything, it makes what I just did all that much harder really.

I made the initial effort when we first met (I'd be absolutely no where if I never made the initial effort, with anyone, for some reason), and soon enough we hung out together. It was awesome. I took her to my favourite beach, and we walked, and laughed, got lunch, and spent pretty much the whole day together. It was a great, fun, first time hang out.

I was hoping we'd do another one fairly soon after the first. I sent a text to express my interest in doing such a thing, and encouragingly she replied with equal enthusiasm. "Sounds great, will let you know when I am free as soon as I know what days I am working!" was her text back.

A month went by of silence.

By that stage I had pretty much written her off... but the optimistic in me thought to give it one last chance, so I sent a brief "How's it going text" in the new year.  A few days later I got a reply "Hey! Sorry for disappearing over the holidays there, got really busy at work. Still up for that hang out again? I will let you know when I can!". It was a huge surprise to hear from her again after all that time, but alas, it was a great surprise, and I certainly wasn't going to brush her off.

The following week, we hung out again. It was a repeat of the first time really; a walk along the beach, then lunch, and before we knew it the day was gone and we've had a blast (I believe she had too?). It was so easy to do, to spend the whole day together. I don't know... it was just... cool.

Over lunch there was talk of her computer needing fixing. "Hey, I am in I.T remember, let me know if you want me to have a look at it some time." I inform her. Surprisingly it was only a couple of days later where I got a text from her, requesting my technical support. I agreed to it immediately, knowing that it'd be another chance to hang out.

Leading up to the day I was genuinely excited for it. I've never been that excited to hang out with someone for a very long time indeed. When the day finally arose and I found myself driving over to her house, my excitment actually turned to nerves!

As soon as she opened the door however, I already felt at ease.

We had a blast. Who knew fixing a computer could be so much fun! The last two hours of my time at her house was simply us watching hilarious YouTube videos (we'd gotten completely sidetracked from actually fixing the computer long beforehand really, that's a good sign, right?). I didn't leave till dusk... it was a good day.

Seeing as I didn't actually get to finish fixing her computer entirely, I figured I should send a text saying that we should get together again so I can finish it off. I didn't want to look... 'clingy' or something, so I waited 5 days from our last hang out before sending the text. You know, that seems casual, right?

As predicted, she took a day to reply again. And... I don't know, something clicked in me as I read the text. It wasn't what was in the text message per se (although it did sound a tad less heartful then previous ones), but I guess I just hated how... one-sided this all seemed, you know? It was mostly me making all the effort to organize these hang outs, it was me replying immediately to her texts and not making her wait... it just suddenly dawned on me that "if she really, genuinely wanted to hang with me, then she'd be making more effort in return, right?"

And suddenly it annoyed me, and made me a little sad for just a little while too, that here is this girl whom I genuinely think is cool, who I have so much in common with, and have a truly fun time with...but I guess she doesn't quite feel the same about me? Well, not to the extent where she would be making more of an effort anyway.

I am getting older now, and I guess I am starting to recognize time wasters and dead ends when I see one (finally). So, I did something that I have never been brave enough or smart enough to ever do before... I deleted her number, and I deleted her text messages, completely cutting off any way of contacting her. As much as I truly do like her... I can't keep pursueing these girls that clearly don't feel the same way in return. It is something I've been doing for years now, and time and time again it always ends badly (obviously).

And while the optimist in me is raging at my decision, trying to tempt me to keep purseing by yelling at me from the back of my mind "You fool! You never know unless you try!", the self-respect in me is saying "Dude, you know what? You deserve better then this".

I guess I just have to keep waiting until I find one that is actually worth wasting my time on (which translates to: one who thinks that I am worth wasting time on in return).