02 November 2010

About to explode

Yikes... life is tough.  All of a sudden today I feel rather overwhelmed... I'm exhausted (didn't get much sleep last night due to housemates partying... on a weeknight...), I am stressed, stretched thin, balancing far too much with such little time with absolutely no help or anyone to turn to.  Some days, like today, I just hate the world in general, then regret all my interactions I have with people during the day because I know my demeanor was left to be desired, certainty not what that person deserved.

And it isn't just the fact that I have my thesis due (something I am way behind in)... there is just too much to do.  Work is going great, but I'm only half committed as Uni is always on my mind, then there is my health which I am barely managing to keep in check (feeling rather lethargic lately, suffering from dizzy spells and headaches randomly also)... then I've been in battles with my phone company, trying to get a damn new phone because my current one is just about dead... but they want to charge me $200 for leaving the contract 3 months early... sigh.

But, hell, I've been doing this amount of work since the beginning of the year.  I guess what really gets me the most is not having anyone to turn to, to bounce ideas off, to have a ear to complain to or wise words and advice to receive in return.

I think that can really make the world of difference... especially from the right person.  Or even just knowing that that is there for you when you need it can help also.

None of my friends or family even really know what I do.  Last week one of my best friends, as I was telling him what I've been working on at Uni lately, goes to me "Oh, are you doing Honours this year?".

I thought he was joking at first... I mean, how can it be October, and I have been Honours the entire year, and one of my better friends doesn't even know what I have been doing all this time?...


Last week a lucky charm my best friend Sabrina gave me at the start of the year finally broke.  It was some really cheap $2 thing, which according to Sabrina "gives the wearer great luck when it breaks".  I protested at first but she seemed to believe in it so I put it on my ankle and just forgot about it ever since.  Hers broke within the month, mine lasted 10 months... strange.  Anyways, it broke... and I guess after it had indeed lasted that long I kind of actually started to believe it might indeed bring some form of luck after all?

I guess work has improved greatly... and whilst my thesis is going terribly slow, it is at least moving forward and has a fair chunk done.  But... that's besides the point for me really, as it isn't work I really care about, nor my thesis.  The thing I want most out of anything I think is rather obvious... but I'd feel too much like a loser by actually typing out what it is so... yeah.

Sigh... it is already 12.58pm on a Tuesday... thesis is due in 4 weeks, and I am far too tired and downtrodden to get any substantial work done today.  Guess the day is still fairly young, we shall see what happens.  I've got a meeting with Sophie around 3.30... I chatted to her in the morning, she was her usual cool, bubbly self, and I was (due to the aforementioned above) pretty boring to be around... so I left in the hope I would be more cheery later on.

Here's hoping for better days.


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