16 November 2010

Waiting patiently

 It has been quite some time.  Much longer then I would of thought, even by my standards. And definitely far longer then I am proud to admit.  Why has it taken so long?  I assume I shouldn't take it to heart... but to be honest it is becoming hard not to. 

I am rather numb, perhaps on purpose? It seems to help.  Momentarily at least. 

Most people say not to rush, just let things go, to see what happens... to that I say, for how long?  Besides, that appears to be what I have been doing, to varying degrees of success, all year.  "It will happen when you least expect it" is the common remark.  I guess the problems lies in the fact that I am always, to some extent, expecting it. 

The paradox that will be my undoing.

Some days it is fine, most days it is not.  The couple walking in front of me holding hands, the giggling pair at the back of the movie cinemas, the driver and his passenger in the car, the table for two at the restaurant.  I guess what makes it the worst is when friends have stories to tell (both good and bad) where I have none.

One day I can look back on days like this and things will be different.  Today is not that day.

P.S Picture above will have no significance to you, but means something to be.


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