26 January 2012

She fuels me

Sigh... I wish there was an 'off' switch. Polly, you are amazing. I don't completely know why... all I know is that I am incredibly drawn to you and can't stop thinking about you.

It is your figure that catches my eye (because yes you are just so sexy), but it is you that catches my mind, the inner you is what I find most beautiful; I love the sound of your laugh, the freckles on your nose, how our thoughts seem to be on the same wavelength, how your lips seem to shine, the way you sometimes don't look people in the eye when talking to them, that one crooked tooth, how grounded you are, your intelligence. Like the time we all played trivia and it was you and I neck and neck in the lead for the whole game. I'll always remember that.

Put all those together and more and Polly, you're just beautiful.

You went away for 6 weeks overseas. During that time I was the most motivated and driven I have been in a very long time as I thought of your return; during my work outs, with my NYC preparations, in staying healthy and saving money, everything I did I thought of you for strength. In the last 2 months I've upped my work out routine substantially, pushing myself further and harder then ever before. I now look the fittest I ever have... all because of you.

But I know and have accepted that we could never happen, there are just too many complications for me to even attempt it... to be honest I don't even know if you feel the same way and I am not prepared to risk it all just to find out (my best friends' trust for instance). But it's ok, it really is, I won't harbour any regrets for never knowing I am sure of it. It will instead be a chapter of life remembered upon favourably, for inspiration, a precious reminder that there are some truly amazing people out there.

I just had to write this down, this very last time. And as I close this chapter I find that for the very first time since starting this blog some two years ago I am not sad but instead... I actually feel rather at peace. Perhaps I am finally growing up?

Goodbye, Polly.


Jez said...

That's emotional man. It's amazing how much someone can take over your mind, and the things we'll do to be with them. It must have been a difficult decision to make on whether to tell her.

In my opinion it is always better to know where you stand than to never know at all. We regret the things we don't do a lot more than the things we do.

Good luck

Out of Sync said...

Yeah man it is so weird how some people can just grip you, especially when you least expect it. But alas it's all good, just part of getting older I guess =)

And yes I do like that advice, and I usually would agree with you that it is always better to know then live in regret, but in this certain situation I think it is best for everyone to just leave it in peace.

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