23 March 2012

Goodbye home, you've been good to me

- Move all my stuff out of my rental house back to my parents house to prepare for my America trip.


Today… I moved out of my rental house. In two days time I embark on my America adventure. Am I excited? That seems to be everyone’s go-to question. With most people I just fake an answer of ‘yeah totally, it’s going to be amazing’, while others with whom I have a deeper friendship with I answer more truthfully with ‘yeah, I guess so, it should be good’.

The reason for my perhaps ungrateful sounding response? Well nerves for starters, my fear of the unknown, of failure, and just the stress and pressure of this whole adventure. But there is another reason, a more overlooked reason by others.

Basically, I am going to miss the absolute fuck out of my friends and current life.

Two years ago life was absolutely terrible to be honest, I was dreadfully depressed (the result of a tough break-up and other similarly devastating events), with things not really improving the following year either… in fact I was actually getting further depressed about the fact that I was still depressed, as I had figured life would eventually start to brighten up, yet it still hadn’t by that stage which got… depressing.

After about 18 months of depression, in March last year when things were starting to look like they would never improve, life all of a sudden got a hell of a lot better. I moved out of my crazy sharehouse into a sharehouse with one of my good mates, and we had an absolute blast. Then I all of a sudden made two new friends, whom introduced me onto four of their friends, and before I knew it I found myself a part of a really unique, friendly and interesting group of friends. One of whom is the friend who invited me to China last year… who would of thought!

Jump a few months forward to around July last year and I found myself getting to know my best mate Jason’s University friends (he did a different course to me) and before long I had fallen in love with these people and in turn they’d fallen in love with me. We had just… unforgettable times and fun together. We truly, truly did. And it was with this group I of course met Polly… which as you all know I have fallen for immensely, more than I have fallen for a girl for many years.

Then despite all odds, life got even better because just last month I moved into Brendan and Polly’s house temporarily before I was due to leave (which was an unexpected event)… and had the most funfilled, loving, memorable month of my entire life.

And now, it is time to leave all that behind.

Living up to the name ‘Out of Sync’ perfectly, it would appear.

At times I just get so angry at the Universe. Why oh why do I have to leave when life was going so perfectly. Or why couldn’t I have enjoyed it all a little longer even. Or how about my 18 months depression and loneliness could have only been 6 months instead… argh!

I decided to do this America trip in March last year before any of this amazing stuff happened… at the time I remember thinking that I might as well leave this place as I had nothing holding me here. I couldn’t have in my wildest dreams known that life would have improved so much in the following 12 months.

These friends have been absolutely incredible… Polly, has of course been incredible. And while they all know how much I love and appreciate them (I made sure of that by writing each one of them a card which said everything I couldn’t say to their faces), no one knows why they truly mean so much to me. It is because they saved me, from me.

I am leaving a great life in the chase of a completely uncertain one.

So when I get asked ‘Are you excited?’, and I give a perhaps ungrateful sounding reply of ‘Yeah, I guess so, it should be good’.

That is why.


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