20 August 2013

Do you play games?

Fellow bloggers, I suck at attracting the opposite sex. Well, in a romantic way anyway. For casual friendships and acquaintances, I'm awesome, no worries really. I can be casual and funny, but as soon as I am interested in a girl... something just breaks in my brain.

I bring this up because I often find myself analyzing or 'critiquing' my interactions with people to see if I could improve in any way. Perhaps I am too withdrawn? Likely. Maybe I'm just not good at engaging funny conversations on first meets? Well, that is definitely true, although I am great once I get to know them. Whatever it is, I haven't stumbled across the answer yet!

Sometimes I wonder if I should try the 'player' tricks. You know what I mean, those 'rules' of what 'apparently' works to get a girl interested, the cliche' ones such as "don't call for at least 3 days after you get her number", and "playfully make fun of her" and so on. And, I think I have tried those at times (although rather mildly), but they just feel so fake and forced that I know it is probably seen right through for the ruse that they are.

I really feel the most comfortable just being 100% myself, which I guess includes my cool, and not so cool qualities.

My best friend for example is able to send awesome text messages to people. Somehow he just knows the right thing to say to keep a conversation interesting and funny, where I am sure the girl on the other end is smiling as she reads it. I on the other hand, when texting, manage to make it sound like we are closing on a business deal haha.

But, I guess that's alright?

I've been single for quite some time now. I've gone over it many times in my head, analyzing my approaches and interactions, and I can't see that I am doing something 'wrong' per se. I've got plenty of female friends, some I am quite close with, so I assume that I can indeed be quite cool.

As I sit here about to email this girl (for work purposes) whom I am interested in, I can see both approaches clearly in front of me. Do I purposely try and be funny and interesting, to write it in a way to keep the conversation going? Or, do I just be completely myself, write the email as I need it to be written, and simply hope for the best?

Ed Sheeran, the singer, said this great quote I heard once. He was asked the question "What would you plan for a first date with a girl?" He laughed, and mentioned his love of the tv show the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, eating popcorn (or something), and sitting on the couch all night in a onesie. He then laughed again and said "Well, that probably won't make for a great first date for a girl, but then again, if the girl doesn't like a date like that, then she probably isn't right for me then now is she?"

I think I'll continue to just be completely myself with all my interactions, and simply hope for the best. Well, for a little while longer at least. If another year goes by... well, then it may be time to opt for some entirely new approach!

How about you guys?

10 comments:

Tania said...

Never ever ever do the pick up artist crap. It's gross and manipulative, and if you want a relationship of equals, that is a terrible way to start. Especially since PUA advice is often to "have the mindset you're her superior."

Azz said...

Ha, well, I wasn't meaning as extreme as 'Pick Up Artist' rules! I meant like, those harmless ones where guys try and 'guess' what girls like (and I am sure girls try and guess what guys like as well). Those 'tips' you hear from friends or whatever.

No no, I would never do the PUA stuff.

Tom said...

I don't think it's about masking who you are or adapting yourself to what they want, I think it's about knowing when to take that risk and put your feelings on the table. I'm very much like you mate, I find it very easy making friends but a horrendous time converting a friendship in to anything more. For example, this work colleague of yours, I assume you're on some form of good standing? I have a work colleague who I will chat to every day for hours, we joke around and I find it really easy with her. It's at the stage where if I wanted it to go any where I (or her) would need to DO something about that, be that telling her how you feel or a slightly more chicken approach of making it obvious and trying to judge her reaction.

Bloody hell I got lost in what I was saying there... to summarise... I'm sure girls have fallen for your personality many a time, but that means nothing unless you move on it.

Tom said...

I forgot to add the disclaimer of all of the above being purely based on my unsuccessful experience!

Dave said...

I'm no expert at this, but I think a lot of it comes down to being comfortable in your own skin. If both of you are, and your personalities match up, even a first date shouldn't feel completely awkward.

Azz said...

"I don't think it's about masking who you are or adapting yourself to what they want, I think it's about knowing when to take that risk and put your feelings on the table"

Hmm yes, I agree with this Tom. Thanks! Haha and yes, I am all for the 'chicken' approach. Although, the problem there is, I am absolutely terrible with reading signs, so even after hinting that I may like them, I fail at reading what the answer is anyway haha!

Dave - Ah yes well, it is not the first date that I would worry about... it is trying to get that fist date in the first place :)

Risha said...

Maybe I've gotten a little less patient as I've gotten older, but I really don't do well with men trying to 'guess' what I like/ playing by some arbitrary 'rules' and I honestly haven't the time/energy/inclination to play games anymore. Surely, fancying someone shouldn't be this hard?

I've always been a big proponent of being completely relaxed and comfortable with oneself. I think that's really important- to not be uncomfortable in your own skin and constantly second-guess yourself. It makes it all the easier to genuinely connect with someone and actually get to know them. I also think it's important to be upfront about things- I'd support asking this work colleague if she wants to grab a drink sometime. It's simple, there isn't a lot of pressure, and well, who knows? She might say yes. And she might not.. but it doesn't change anything from what it currently is, except that nobody is sitting around overthinking it.

Sorry, I don't mean to unleash a diatribe here.. but y'know, what have you got to lose? And why not just ask and see what happens?

(but then again, I do have a thing for slightly awkward and completely clueless boys)

Azz said...

"Surely, fancying someone shouldn't be this hard?" I have often thought that exact thing many times before.

Great to get some female perspective too Risha, very insightful! And, I have no fear about asking her for drinks or something (well, just a little. Or a lot), my main dilemma sat with the whole 'be yourself' versus 'try and be more funnier and interesting on purpose'. But, I like what you said, so I am thinking the 'be yourself' is the way to go.

"but then again, I do have a thing for slightly awkward and completely clueless boys" haha, great to know that there is an audience for that out there. :)

Jez said...

I tend to be quite clueless about girls who are interested in me, and even more clueless about those that I'm interested in.

However I have had the experience where if you wait too long to make a move, the chance suddenly passes. The girl may move on, or another guy may play his cards right earlier than you.

I know the exact moment I lost this girl to one of my close friends, all because I was too shy/hesitant to make a move. When I finally did, I already knew I had lost, but felt the need to get it out anyway. And I felt a lot better just throwing it out there rather than keeping it inside.

So I guess it's better to day it out loud than to not say it all. You become a stronger person regardless of the outcome.

Azz said...

Oh yeah I have definitely learned not to hesitate anymore, after what happened last time. This time I am going for it immediately (and already have actually, more on that soon hehe), but yeah, my fear of asking them out is completely gone after the last attempt. I hope that is the same for you too, after what you've learned from that experience you described.

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