24 December 2010

Very quiet, very loud

As I've always said, this blog is written purely for myself with no attempts to gain followers (which relax, is still true), I guess just today I've realized how quiet my little slice of the blogosphere really is.  Normally I don't care one bit, often times these posts are for my own accounts and don't really have an 'outside audience' mentality in mind when they are written, but today... this quietness of my blog has been realized to be pretty similar to my real life, and I hate that.

It's been a busy year and a half.  I broke up with my long term girlfriend, which then lead to a falling out with my best friend, then I moved out of home and away from my remaining friends so I could be closer to work and Uni. Since then my days were completely consumed with my Honours year of University.  After about 8 months of living away from friends now, and being single for over a year, I really thought by now I'd have a new group of friends and a new girlfriend.  8 months on however I've only gained about 2 good new friends and no prospects of a girlfriend.

The excuse, and my motivation, has mostly been the argument of 'Uni takes up too much of my time and effort to be worrying about friends and girlfriend right now'.  Which, as I did throw myself into my work and studies all year I guess you could say that's fair.  But... what about the things that happen by chance?  I can understand that by me not making the effort, new friends and girlfriend aren't likely going to happen, but what about those random circumstances where you just somehow fall into it? Surely more of those should of happened by now?

The problem with the above is that I am constantly thinking 'surely something good is going to come my way any day now'.  The days come, and the days pass, and I am continuing looking forever further and further into the future... which is not a good thing when I am turning a cringe worthy 23 next year.  Ha, yes I know, that is hardly old at all... I'll be honest when I say I have a bit of an obsessive phobia of growing old and missing out on opportunities and having regrets of all the things I never got to do.

Well, with that said, and with my University at an official end, I guess it is time to get these problems settled and my life in order once more.  So, what's on the agenda? Let's break it down I guess:

- Friends - There is no chance of me moving back home anytime soon, which means I will forever be away from my old best mates, slowly drifting further apart (I hate that...).  Time for new ones I guess, so, I should make an effort to connect better with the new ones I have made here (although they are no where near as cool as my old ones).

-Love - I have been single for... bit over a year now I think.  While I no longer feel I need a girlfriend, and can manage life on my own quite comfortably now, I would be lying if I said that it wouldn't be nice to have, especially with my lack of friends at the moment.  I can't stand loud music anymore therefore avoid clubs and loud bars/pubs, thus limiting one of the best opportunities to meet girls. In my day to day life I come across countless whilst just at shops, at Uni, through friends, I just seem to fail to capitalize on the opportunities, always walking away, shaking my head at myself in regret for letting another chance slip through my fingers.

-Future plans - Wow, well, I'm not sure, it hasn't really hit me that University has actually come to an end. I keep thinking that I am merely on summer holidays, awaiting the Uni year to begin next year all over.  But no, not this time. This time there is no Uni year to begin, it is just completely wide open, no dates to follow, people to contact about courses, topics to choose... it is whatever I want to choose to do. 

That's a little scary.

And there we go, summed up above is the three areas that at this point in time are of the most important.  I'm not really sure how to address all three, maybe I should just try to relax and take a week or 2 off from thinking about any of it, start it all come the new year.

Guess I will wait to see what happens.

Like always.



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