13 November 2011

I will miss

I'm leaving for NYC next year, hopefully for an extended amount of time.

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Two years ago my rather awesome life turned upside down and went to hell.

Last year was slightly better, slowly on the mend, but there were many challenges to deal with... so it still wasn't great... in fact it was quite miserable to be honest.

This year began much the same. Things didn't look like they were going to improve much.
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Last night I hung out with a group of friends whom I have only just started becoming great friends with this year or so. I've known them for a while through a friend of mine, they are all in the same University course. I've finished my study and am working full time, thus I always felt like an extra of sorts, never really officially part of the group.

Without really realizing however, we've now grown quite close.

Last night we went out to celebrate the end of their University degrees. We rented a hotel room in the city and spent the night with good food, big laughs, challenging games of billiards table and lots of drinks. At 4am six of us walked to a park with some blankets, laid down on the grass, huddled together and just watched the stars. It was a warm night. The glow from the street lamps, the rumbling distant traffic, and the rustling of trees was amazingly peaceful.

To my enormous gratitude, after a particularly humourous moment, they asked me where I've been the last few years, saying they wished I had joined their group much earlier.  I deflected the compliment with a joke, something lame about me being to cool for these science degree nerds.  What I was really thinking was that I really wish I'd had met them all much sooner also... I should of told them that.

The effects of their words were greater then any of them will ever know.

On the train home this morning after our night in the city, I sat quietly staring out the window, reminiscing about the last 24 hours. That simple moment in time, lying on that grass, under the stars, laughing and chatting while huddled with those awesome friends, is one the biggest highlights I can ever recall.

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Two years ago I think I was using my NYC idea as a chance to run away from my problems.

Last year I was using my NYC idea as a slim ray of sunshine to help get myself through the hard days.  Also as a fruitless way to rebel against my increasingly distant old best friends, of which I felt wouldn't notice or care if I disappeared one day.

This year, for the first time since conjuring my NYC idea two years ago, I will honestly be reluctant to leave because of what I know I will be leaving behind. It was a bitter sweet realization.
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5 comments:

Jez said...

Awesome insightful post Aaron. Sounds like you had a great time with some great friends.

I always seem to have the need to tell my close friends how much they mean to me, but never do. It's just one of those things that I can't seem to tell them. Recently I've found a way though. I decided to write people letters for their birthday, and in those letters I would write about how awesome it is to have them as a friend.

It's always good to let those close to you know that you care.

Out of Sync said...

Thanks man, appreciated.

Haha don't worry, I know exactly what you mean. I think it might relate to the fact that we are male, we tend to not get involed... in stuff like... feelings, and... emotions... and all that crap lol.

Hmm, letters, that could be a good idea.

Sue Lin said...

Yeah, for females, or me at least, i always say it when i miss my girls, cant wait to see him in just over a week!!

Jas said...

You will love NYC. What is your plan when you get there? Or are you going on a leap of faith?

Out of Sync said...

Thanks Jas, I am hoping so! Don't really have a proper plan, kind of just see what happens when I get there. Just hoping for some adventure, good stories and personal growth =)

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