"Kindred spirit: a person who shares beliefs, attitudes, feelings, or features with another"
The simple act of sending a text message... why do I pause before hitting send?
I have been trying to send it for 3 days now, to say what I should of already said. I just hate my timing, with all things, with everyone, hence the blogspot name 'Out of Sync'. I'm not sure if it is my own doing, or just the way of the Universe. I am starting to worry that I'll never know.
The contents of the text message aren't even a big deal. It's just, lately, she has been on my mind a lot. It kind of just happened. I've been somewhat vague friends with her for about a year now, I thought she was pretty awesome the first time I ever saw her... but to be honest I think that about just about every new cool girl I meet, so I didn't give this one any extra thought.
Lately, like my last post says, it appears I am rather well liked by her group of friends... to the point that I am now a permanent addition. As a consequence I have been hanging with this group much more frequently over the last few months, thus have slowly spent more and more time with her. Even back long ago I never really saw her as any more then just 'a really cool female friend'. That image started to change after our celebratory night out in the city last week.
It was the way she laughed at my stupid jokes that made me melt.
The problem with this girl however is that she has a bit of a sketchy past
with my best mate. And in bro-code terms that strictly means out of bounds, something I am honour bound to respect.
The other day the group and I hung out again, this time to try something new for the fun of it; lawn bowls! Straight away as we arrived I thought about a joke in regards to the fact that there is only ever old people at these places, but thought it would be too crude to say so I held my mouth shut. Literally two seconds later she laughs to herself and says out loud the exact joke I had decided to hold back. I said I was thinking the exact same thing. We both laughed. I melted a little more.
After some good dinner we hit the field, throwing some practice bowls, only to quickly realize how terrible we all are. We look to our right to see an elderly gentlemen take his shot, the ball rolls and angles with impressive precision to stop within a metre of its target. I look down the field at my latest attempt, my ball is a shameful 5 metres away from the target in completely the wrong direction. I laugh to myself at the comparison between my dreadful attempts and the expert elderly man next to us.
She is standing next to me and suddenly laughs, "Haha! Look at how bad we are when compared to the elderly man next to us!"
I laugh out loud as I claim to her that yet again she had stolen the very joke I thought of saying only moments before. She laughed beautifully at this and said "Haha oh Aaron, we are just a couple of kindred spirits".
I couldn't keep the smile from my face.
I only just got back from an overseas trip last week, and in that short time since I have had two amazingly fun times with the group, and her. Dishearteningly, tomorrow her and another from the group head overseas for 6 weeks. As I said, my timing with everything just never seems right.
The text message I wanted to send was simply to wish her a good trip, and to say I look forward to her return. It just becomes a lot harder to send when you know that the words mean more to you then they will to them. It becomes harder still when you can't say in the message what you would actually want to say... you know, if things were different. Or if I were braver.
I know nothing will ever come of this, I guess it is just nice to daydream every once and awhile. In honesty I guess she is just another of the many amazingly cool girls I seem to meet in my life, all who seem to float away just as silently and mysteriously as they came in. I guess I just wish for one to stay around a little longer.
To find my kindred spirit.
4 comments:
No worries, my friend. She might be going away, but she'll be back. In a way, that's good, because it's going to give you some time to sort things out. By the time she's back, I'm sure you'll have the right words you're looking for.
I feel almost exactly the same way with the Marine. My timing was terrible too. All that we can do is wait for them to come back and hope that we have been on their mind as much as they have been on ours. And send that text!
You'll regret it if you don't say something to her. Even if nothing happens, you should say something to her about it.
I lived with some awesome girls in my final year at uni, and it took me months before I finally told one of them that I liked them. By that time, it was already too late, one of my best friends had already made a move on her by that point and started going out shortly after I told the girl about my crush on her.
Even though nothing happened between us, I don't regret telling her one bit.
Sometimes you get what you've drawn, and other times you've just gotta roll the dice.
Ha, thanks guys! I didn't expect such a heartfelt response from everyone haha! But definitely appreciated nonetheless =)
All good guys, I am far from being in distress about it all (although perhaps the tone of the post says otherwise). It was more a reflection on how life seems to flow completely randomly, people come and go, and I often wonder if things are 'meant to be' or if they are just coincidences. In fact, far from being down, I am rather happy... it is nice to be optimistic sometimes about what the future could possibly hold for you =D
Dave - Sorting things out is always handy. Sporadic impulses are really the right choices when it comes to romance haha.
S. Love - Your Marine situation sounds much more concerning then mine when I read your post! Thus I wish you luck! (And keep us posted of course =P)
Jez - Good attitude my friend, regret is always much more depressing then failure could ever be.
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