Us Against the World

I don't really have truly meaningful relationships with many of my friends.  I am not saying it is necessarily a bad thing, although at the same time I worry that it should necessarily be a bad thing.  

I don't know?  

Sure I have friends, lots of them in fact, but most to be brutally honest are rather disposable, meaning that if we were say to drift, or I moved away, or lost their phone numbers, I think I'd be okay with the loss.  Then of course there is the handful of about five or so, my 'group' that I am apart of if you will, whom I would miss greatly if lost and with whom I spend a great deal of effort staying into contact with.  But, are we close? As in, best buddies close?  I don't know, I would hazard a guess that no, we are not best buddies close.

Why not? Am I just a douche and my friends find it hard to be around me perhaps? Ha, no, that isn't the case, my friends love me, it's just that due to a lot of changes over the last year or two it has grown harder and harder to keep a constant level of contact like we used to. I work, they work, I moved away, got busy, they got busy.  

Sometimes growing older sucks.

I am leaving my home of Australia and flying to live in New York soon.  I often wonder how the farewell party will go; Will I be missed... truly missed?  The kind of goodbye when you know it isn't forever but it feels like it is anyway.  The kind when even though you will still most likely be able to talk to the person everyday via telephone, Facebook or even letters, in your mind a scenario of complete and utter cut off from contact conjures and you worry that they will drift, or never return, or possibly even just forget you.

Hell, I don't want tears, I'd be happy with a heartfelt handshake really.  I guess what this all boils down to is, I know how much some of the people in my life mean to me and I guess I just wonder if it is the same the other way round.

I was going to now start talking about the kind of truly close relationships that often form when in love, or falling in love, or even when you think you are in love, with another person.  The kind that if you are lucky can form an amazing bond between you, one in which you can share everything, and truly rely, depend and count on them at all times.  A team of sorts, made up of just the two of you.

Two against the world.

I had that once.  Truly I did.  We were together for a very long time, truly each others rock through and through.  It is quite a distant memory now, I barely remember how it was, with only small recollections of fits of laughter, of big hugs, of gushing tears, of stress, of commitment, of friendship remaining.  

At 23 years old sometimes I worry that I have missed my chance to form the close knit group of friends that I so obviously crave.  You know the type I mean, like the gangs depicted on TV sitcoms like How I Met Your Mother, and Friends.  I used to have that, but it kind of drifted away, and I am having a hard time finding a 'new' group to call my own.  

Luckily I make new friends easily, and frequently find myself being inducted into a new existing group of friends, and sure, this new group is awesome and exciting and friendly and interesting... but when I compare it to the old group, the group that has thrived together for literally 10 years now with some of that group still some of my best friends around today... the new group just looks boring in comparison, and I find myself missing the old days all over again.

Some day, I may have my How I Met Your Mother friendships, and if any of them were to move away, I damn well will be sure to let them know how much they mean to me, and that yes, they will be truly missed, regardless of how long they are gone for.  And that goes double for any girl I am in love with.

Us against the world.