Oh yeah, did I mention I graduated?

All this buzz about full time work, planning for big trips, forever thinking forward, and I forget the milestones that are happening right now.

The year before last I graduated from University, then went back for an extra year to complete an Honours* degree within my field.  Well after successfully completing my thesis, it being submitted for approval and consequent grading, I have finally officially graduated from my degree with a Bachelor of Information Technology (Honours). Yay!

It. Was. Hard.

But worth it? Totally.

I documented the entire thing as it went, under the label Honours Study, something I am extremely grateful and glad that I did now that it is all well and truly over.  I am such an active person (and as evidence shows, a bit of a dreamer) that I often forget or even struggle to remember what I have already accomplished. It all becomes a bit of a blur, a distant memory that often feels like it happened to someone else.

After briefly browsing over the entries there was an overall theme that could be extracted out of just about every one of them: a sense of impeding doom. Hilarious. Which for those who know me that pretty much sums me up. Often stressing over nothing, forever 'carrying the world upon ones shoulder' in a constant epic battle against the 'evil universe that is out to get me'.  Well, that is at least what it feels like from time to time, especially when I remember times like this where I declared myself to be "officially doomed" ha!

Overly dramatic, or cool and collected? You decide.

I can't really sum up my final year of University, well within a single post that is, because to be honest there is just too much to say.  How does one sum up one of the most challenging, toughest yet rewarding achievements of their life?

I guess, you can't.

What you can do however is accept it, feel proud, cherish and learn from the memory for ever after, and as you shut that door forever you can feel better prepared to step through the next one, where ever that may lead.



*An 'Honours' degree is the equivalent to a 'Masters' degree.

A cluttered mind

This is the forth time I have tried to blog over the last week.

Blog ideas often conjure whilst I am driving, or at work, or talking on the phone.  Basically they never appear whilst I am actually at a computer. Then I think 'oh, I definitely have to blog about that when I get home!', and then get I get home, and my original idea is now a hazy memory, and just doesn't feel right, so all I end up with is a blank saved draft with one half complete sentence.

Tonight on my drive to my parents house for the weekend I once again had numerous ideas of what I want to blog about. I turned on my laptop, got some Manchester Orchestra playing (brilliant band), and placed my hands on the keyboard... and realized;

My mind is too cluttered.

There is too much stuff I want to talk about; New York City, my big trip next year, the fact that some travel books I ordered off the internet finally arrived, how much I adore the show 'How I Met Your Mother' (and how I secretly want my life to be like that some day... which I am not sure whether that's silly, disturbing or delusional), how I am feeling rather confident about myself lately (however that is variable), my new plans for the short, medium and long term. How I plan over the next 6 months to become fitter, take self defence classes, complete more tasks on my Life List, spend more time with friends, become better friends with some acquaintances, attempt to get a pay rise at work. Oh, and not to mention all the amazing people I look up to greatly for inspiration and motivation.  Definitely will need to focus on that soon.

But those are all fun, exciting topics. 

Then there is the more serious side of my life; how scared I am of my big trip, how scared I am of not achieving my dreams, my worry that my dreams may be set too high in the first place. How I miss having a girlfriend, and really hate going to my family events where my relatives of a similar age to myself (sister and cousins) all have partners and I am the odd one out.  The fact that I turn 23 next month and have realized I am in a field and job that I don't think I want to do for the rest of my life... but then freak out that I don't know what field and job I want to do.

The fact that an increasing amount of people seem to look up to me of late because of these 'big dreams' and my plans of working towards them, and I worry that now I kind of have this unspoken pressure that 'I definitely can't fail now, with all these people in a way relying on me to follow through with my promises'.  Which, doesn't even really make sense, but I don't have the patience at the moment to figure it out properly.

And then, most importantly, my belief that it takes special kind of people to make it big in the world, those of which who just have that something that no one else quite seems to have, a 'special secret' that allows them to go far, and excel, and stand out.  And I wonder if I have that, or can have that (if I work hard enough).  Maybe anyone can do anything if they really set there mind on it?

I hope so.

I don't want to be super rich, and I definitely don't want to be famous (both of which I believe are very superficial and materialistic in our plastic modern society).  I just want to make the very most out of my life, to experience it like no other, and to share that experience with as many people as I can in the hope that they too will get out there and live their life to the fullest. Something I don't quite feel I am doing at the moment to my fullest potential.

In the end, I just want to be happy.

To better one's self

As I am sure you could already gather, I am a fairly ambitious young person, forever looking and moving forward.  Well, as best as I can anyways when you have full time work.  However just lately I have realized there is still such a huge amount of things I still want to do, and wish I had the time to do, sometimes too many to comprehend.

What brought this about? My best mates actually.  You may have heard the saying that people often become friends with people who are similar to themselves; common interests, attitudes, personalities and so on.  This is most definitely true when it comes to me and my friends with the entire group being very creative, with myself graduating from Video Game design and development, and the others in my group experts at music and their instruments.   A few months ago they started the band Slightly Left of Centre (to which I blogged about in the hope to gain them some extra interest through my... substantial, follower base I have here with this blog ha), their band is going well, with an album to be soon released.

Anyways, apologies, I have gone off track.

The other day I caught up with one of my mates on the weekend he gave me an update of the bands progress, something I quite enjoy as I like keeping in the loop with my friends, especially as they live at some distance from myself.  Afterwards however, after seeing all their new material and ideas that have come to life, it got me wondering "what have I got to show of my supposed 'skills' that I have".  Where is my video game projects? Or novel ideas? Or computer software applications (as my profession is Software Developer after all... or so my job title says). Or at the very least, an iPhone app?

Sure I have been busy the last few years with University, doubly so last year whilst I was doing my Honours Degree, but these guys are doing their studies as well as creating music, rehearsing and all that jazz that goes with trying to get a band out of the garage and into a recognized brand.

I started writing this post a few hours back, then postponed it as my housemate and I went to movies.  I just got home then after watching Suckerprunch, which whilst the storyline was a little lackluster, the sheer amount of imagination in the main scenes was absolute brilliance.  After seeing that movie, and returning to finishing off this post, it has reinforced further that basically, I need to get off my ass and get creating!

I have a year until I head off to New York City, why not make the most of my time after work till then.

Next month I will be turning 23, and I still feel completely lost within myself.  What I want to do, who I want to be.  What kind of person I want to be now and in the future. Where do I even want to be.  I guess that's typical for my age? Who knows.

I am not going to take it sitting down that's for sure =)

The central Manhatten dream?

My best friend stumbled across this great little video of a woman who lives in the heart of New York City.  In the video she shows off and gives a tour of her apartment unit... all 90-square-feet of it. Ha!  For those who need reference point to get an image of how big 90-square-feet is, I would guess it wouldn't be much bigger then a bus.

Living in a 90-square-foot apartment: $700/month

She is very positive and upbeat about her situation however, claiming she enjoys the 'cosy' feeling that the apartment brings, to which I would wonder if that's actually debatable ha. Although in the video she does have quite a lot of possessions, which is definitely one area in which I would have the upper hand... by not having any possessions... so ha, take that New York!

As long as there is a comfortable space for a desk and my laptop, I will be happy =)

Although I will admit, seeing insight into how a real life New Yorker lives did rattle my nerves for a second, as once again I was hit with a wave of realization of what's to come. It's the wave that says 'you, yes you there, sitting in your comfortable chair at your familiar work place, being only a quick drive from friends and a phone call away from family, you will soon instead be a grueling 20 hour flight away from that place you call home'.

But hey, if everyone backed out because they were scared, then no one would get anywhere.