Sigh.. way too tired at the moment, and the damn builders next door have their shit Spanish music on full blast... all morning long (or it could be Indian, or even Greek, no clue... all I know is that it is a foreign language which tries to combine rap, melody and native music all into one). It is really getting to me. Argh... just asking my sister then, apparently they keep the music on the entire day... I have put headphones on with my music blaring to try to drown it out.
I think I will play some drums later just to annoy them.
I had originally thought to go into this blog with a bit of a recap of the last 12 months... but that wouldn't involve many fond memories at all... this year was the worst I have ever had, bring on 2010 that's for sure! Besides, I am trying to go into the new year with a more positive outlook, so might as well start now.
New Years Eve today... you know what that means? New Year's party tonight!!! I was a little worried as it was only yesterday that I actually put any thought in what I wanted to do for tonight lol, a little late I know. I got asked to attend 4 different events actually... which doesn't make much sense. Lately I feel like I have only a very small handful of people I can call 'friends'... which does get me down, so it was a nice surprise to receive so many requests. I guess in hindsight I do have quite a considerable amount of friends, my quarrel though is that I seem to lack any real or true friends, which when you think about it are the only ones that really matter.
Currently my plans are (and I say the word currently as they seem to change by the hour) is to have a few pre-drinks with Daniel, then... well we haven't thought past that haha. My original plan had been for Daniel, Sabrina, Annieh (a friend of Sabrina's) and I to head to the city, Sabbi however, being the awesome friend she is, pulled out..! This threw everything into turmoil as it looked like it was just going to be Daniel and I in the city, but alas, the world sways forever sideways, because it turns out Sam and fellow group members will be heading to the city too, sweet!
Sam is known as my 'party buddy' as we have the best time when we are out together.
I have learned a lot this year, it really will be a defining time in my life. Wow, I think back to this time last year, absolutely everything has changed. So much change in such little time. I have lost so much, gained so little. I have fought, cried, questioned everything I once knew, or what I thought I knew that is. I have been on the lowest of lows this year, but forever optimistic and hopeful for a brighter future ahead. I have been telling myself these last few weeks as the year was close to its end that next year will be considered as a new start, a brighter beginning.
I have a lot to look forward to so it is off to a good start. =)
Unlike my early posts on this blog I no longer am able to dive very deep into my thoughts. I am unsure why exactly, you could say it is an improvement, a sign that things have calmed perhaps?
So, what has been learned from this year? It is an extremely important question to answer as you can never grow as a person if you don't learn from your past experiences.
Hmm, I guess one thing I have learned is that no matter how hard you try, some things and events are just outside your control. Stuff happens, both good and bad, that would of happened anyway regardless of what actions you took. This was a big one for me as I had the unrealistic view that I thought I had just about everything figured out, the world and people around me were under my close personal surveillance. As mentioned in some of my very early posts, I like to think I have quite an accurate understanding of the people I interact with, being able to read their persona quite well. What they are really thinking, any hidden meanings behind their actions and words, what is the most likely decision or answer they will conceive when given a choice to make.
I have learned that I am much stronger then I ever thought possible, which is nice to know and will definitely be useful in the future I am sure. I survived a hell of a year, although with many new scars to carry, but survived nonetheless with a full recovery in sight. It has given me a completely new outlook on life.
As a result of what transpired mid year, I lost a lot of friends and found myself the most isolated I have ever been. This was a massive shock at first and was often times hard to come to terms with. Time, as always, has remedied this and I now find these days that I am much more independent as well as being happy with my own company. This is way different to the old me that was always busy with a social event, which I now realize was a mistake, it never allowed me to be happy to just do my own thing and be on my own at times. It is an irreplaceable value that I have learned and I know I will be a much better person from now on because of it.
I am extremely glad I have started this blog, I hope to continue it for many years to come. Although I have only started it recently so there isn't much archived yet, just reading the old ones now really looks like a time capsule depicting how I have slowly evolved over these last few months.
I have had quite a few eventful situations, which is basically a weekly occurrence for me lol... see 'lol how do I get myself into these messes?' and 'Today was... eventful' just to name a few of many.
I did quite a lot of reflection on my life, especially in the earlier days as I was coming to terms with my big situation that occurred mid year, see 'Unknown' and 'Progress nonetheless' for some of the early, deeper ones.
Had countless parties and nights out lol, some of my favourites were 'Jason's 21st', a 'recap of one of my drunken nights' as documented by Sabbi, and 'Eventful journey home'.
Life is a journey, and while it is not always what you expect it to be, nor what you would want it to be, you just need to adapt, forever strive harder and upwards, stay true to yourself and live life like you mean it.
You only live once, make the most of it. Bring on 2010 =)
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