Upon the eve

Well, here we are, the day before my thesis is due.

It was been quite a journey, it was good to document it as I went, it will be great to look over once all this is complete.  Although, to be fair, it isn't over yet, not quite anyway.

At this very moment in time I am at a pretty awesome 17,811 words and 75 pages.  It is by far the biggest piece of work I have ever for my studies, and from what is done so far I am actually rather proud of it to say the least.  As the title says, today marks the eve it the due date... will I finish?  Majority is complete, it really is just my Discussion chapter that needs completing (read: starting)... ha!

This week I made fantastic progress, managing 1,200 words on Thursday!

Friday I went terrible managing nearly no words due to a terrible headache I have been experiencing for quite some time now... which since yesterday is completely gone! The difference is amazing! Friday (well, the entire week really) was just so painful, it was impossible to write with a massive headache.  Yesterday (Saturday) I decided to wear my sunglasses while staring at the computer screen, thinking maybe the headache was caused by the excessive amount of time spent in front of computers lately... and it worked =D  With the headache gone I managed an awesome 1,200 words, with the finish line within grasp.

Over the weekend (yes, I spent my entire weekend at Uni also) I completed a pretty good 1,800 words, which sets me up fairly well for completion by (hopefully) tomorrow, if not then the next day. 

I suspect this will be my last post for a until then, the end is near!

Can't sleep...

Sigh... 1.30am on a Friday morning, all day I had a massive headache, could barely keep my eyes open, and now when it comes to night time I just as tired but can't bring myself to sleep.  Good job body, good to know you've got your self organized and under control after these 22 years...

My apologies... no surprise that I am a little grumpy right now, so I am guessing this post will double as a rant... hopefully to make me feel better.  Perhaps I am just stressed? My thesis is due in 4 days after all, but I'm not sure that is 100% the cause for this late hour blogging.  It is strange as that is most likely the reason, but I pause myself, take a breadth and try to unravel what's on my mind and thesis isn't really on the forefront.

Although stress can indeed work in mysterious ways.

I have had a lot of health issues of late also...which is making my thesis writing that much more difficult (related perhaps?).  Just been having big headaches and dizzyness periodically and seemingly randomly through the day.  About 2 months ago it began and lasted for 3 weeks... then like magic it just disappeared... but alas, as my shithouse luck would have it, it returned again about 5 days ago now and causes me a great deal of pain and discomfort.

What annoys me the most is how I spend a considerable amount of time, effort and money is taking care of myself, mostly in regards to my diet, to which seems to account for nothing.  I eat wholemeal bread instead of white, avoid sweets completely, am constantly eating a good variety of foods like tomato, tuna, lettuce, cheese, steaks, chicken, mushrooms, beans.  I had indoor soccer once a week, and caught the bus everyday for my weekly exercise, drink plenty of water, and besides the no more then once a week take out you could say I am definitely a healthy person.

So why can look at my housemates who eat junk nearly everyday, never any vegetables or fruit, are smokers, drink constantly... and they can sleep and wake up and be nice and awake for the day with no worries at all...

Anyways, oh well, whatever I guess.  I know things will get better, they always do.  I am feeling quite a bit better after one of my best mates just happened to still be awake also, so had a chat to him on msn.

One thing though... and this happens always really.  Times like this I really do hate being single.  What I wouldn't give to just have someone here by my side, even just to distract me from the tough issues, to maybe just be like 'hey, let's just go for a random drive', just to forget about everything even for a little while.  Which sure, I could do that on my own, but it isn't the same ha.

Got a busy 3 days ahead with Thesis being due Monday... wish me luck!

Final days!

Woah, what's this? Currently midnight on a Tuesday might, meaning my thesis is due in only 5 days!

Before I continue, I'd like to direct you to one of my all time favourite songs. Circa Survive - The Difference Between Medicine and Poison is in the Dose. Let it play in the background as you read the rest of the post, I am confident you won't be disappointed =)

Back to my thesis, is it time to freak out? Probably, although to stay rational my progress has actually been, believe it or not, going rather well.  Sweet!

From my last update, last Thursday to be exact,  I was at an average 11,179 words with 51 pages.  Since then my thesis epic has gone continued... wow, just remembered a conversation I was having with Lee today (the only other Honours student).  We were remembering how it was like back in March, when we first chose our topics and started the year.  We had no idea what so ever what to expect... was it to be hard? Impossible? Would we even make it!? It is so strange to be close to the end, to see the light, yet still sit here at this very minute, with all I have accomplished this entire year, and still not know what the next 5 days of my life are going to have in store for me.

Pretty amazing when you think about it.

Anyways, yes, sorry, got a little reminiscent there didn't I haha.  Yes so last Thursday is where I left off.  Over the weekend I forced myself into Uni... and wow was it hard.  Most weekends I don't usually have that much going on. Maybe a get together with some mates, or I'll go visit my parents... this weekend, the weekend I decide is dedicated to thesis writing, I suddenly turn into the most popular guy on Earth.

First a mate of mine wanted to go golfing, sorry no can do buddy I replied.  Then another mate calls, wants to see if I want to come over for a few drinks... sorry, already said no to golf, so I'll say no this also... thanks anyway! Wow, two invites on the same day, would of been a great weekend if I could have gone to both... oh well, this is one of those testing times, have to stay strong, it is short term pain for long term gain!  The next day, my newly gained friend Rob calls (I recently tried out for a band and got accepted)... "Dude, Harry (the guitarist) has finished his exams, we want to see if you wanna have a jam this weekend, get some beers, make a day of it"... aww man, that sounds way fun.  But, I held strong, saying I'll reschedule.  The importance placed on this weekend to write my thesis was immense... I knew that the progress (or lack of) on my thesis this weekend would make or break.

Saturday arrives, Rob comes down also to do some work.  We get some beers and pizza, turns into an awesome day of laughs with bursts of thesis writing. 5pm arrives... my mate Rod calls, reckon he has an awesome night planned with the boys... damn it! I never get to join the guys for a good night out anymore... that makes 4 invites on the one weekend (which is 3 - 4 more then any other weekend lol).

Long story short I managed an awesome 1,700 words over the weekend! Which I am rather proud of myself considering it was a weekend, I had to resists a heap of distractions, and I had downed 6 beers when I finally started writing ha!

So, well.  I am about to go to sleep, to wake up and repeat the cycle all over again.  Sophie (my amazing Honours supervisor) has returned from her two week holiday and has already been an amazing help.  Tomorrow will be important, I have 1 chapter to finish off (Results chapter) and start on my final chapter (Discussion chapter). If I can finish off Results chapter tomorrow, I should be set.

Wish me luck!

Thesis update

Just browsing my blog then, it appears (despite my strong desire to do so) I have failed in keeping a rolling documentation on the progress for completing my Honours thesis.  I know this doesn't make for particularly interesting reading for you readers, but as I have said many times I write this blog purely for myself, thus would like to document what is the most challenging task I have ever tackled.

My last update (all the way back on the 30th of October... nearly 3 weeks ago... ha!) I was at 4,100 words.  Keeping in mind that my thesis is due on the 29th of November...

*queue dramatic music* Dum dum duuummm!!!

Yeah... lame... I am extremely tired ha.

I have been keeping a mini log in the abstract section of my thesis, it reads like so:

1/11/2010 - 5,349 words, 28 pages… progressing too slowly…

7/11/2010 3.14pm – 7,718 words, 33 pages… hmm not bad for the week I guess. Still going far too slow =S

12/11/2010 8.48pm – 9,039 words, 40 pages… majority of pages gained was due to changing font size from 10 to 12 (as per the Honours guidelines).  Hmm.. roughly 1300 words done this week.  Not enough, should have been at least 2000.  Sigh.

14/11/2010 6.09pm – 10,252, 48 pages.  Lots of pages gained due to adding of appendices. I actually went pretty awesomely today and Friday night (see above)… managing around 500 words written (which for writing on a night after work, and writing on a Sunday, isn’t too bad).  

17/11/2010 3.59PM - 10,385, 49 pages. Even though it looks likes I have only managed 100 words since the 14th, I actually deleted about 300 words, then re-wrote another 400.  So have managed 400 yesterday... which is bad but it is progress nonetheless.

Which alas brings us to today, the 18th! For some reason I do my best work real late in the day... say 4pm to 9pm.  Keeping in mind I usually arrive at Uni around 11am... I spend a good 5 hours of procrastination.  Come about 5pm today though and I got a big breakthrough, managing to pump out about 800 words to bring my total to a pretty cool 11,179 words at 51 pages. 

If I can get out another 800 tomorrow, I will be well on track =)

I am seriously on the edge lately though... I am not quite stressing, but it seems like I will at any moment.  These next few days will be absolutely crucial, if I can managed to finish the chapter I am working tomorrow, and on the weekend get 70% of my final chapter done by Monday, I will be able to make it.  Sophie comes back on Monday from two weeks absence... I am desperately waiting her return, it has been quite difficult, but great for self improvement at the same time now that I think about it.

Anyways... I would of liked to have made this post more interesting and funny, but it is 12.36am and I am too tired.  I was going to save it and re-write it tomorrow when I am awake, but I guess posting it now it true documentation, showing how tired I am during these times.

Waiting patiently

 It has been quite some time.  Much longer then I would of thought, even by my standards. And definitely far longer then I am proud to admit.  Why has it taken so long?  I assume I shouldn't take it to heart... but to be honest it is becoming hard not to. 

I am rather numb, perhaps on purpose? It seems to help.  Momentarily at least. 

Most people say not to rush, just let things go, to see what happens... to that I say, for how long?  Besides, that appears to be what I have been doing, to varying degrees of success, all year.  "It will happen when you least expect it" is the common remark.  I guess the problems lies in the fact that I am always, to some extent, expecting it. 

The paradox that will be my undoing.

Some days it is fine, most days it is not.  The couple walking in front of me holding hands, the giggling pair at the back of the movie cinemas, the driver and his passenger in the car, the table for two at the restaurant.  I guess what makes it the worst is when friends have stories to tell (both good and bad) where I have none.

One day I can look back on days like this and things will be different.  Today is not that day.

P.S Picture above will have no significance to you, but means something to be.

So, what's new?

Quite a lot as it were, which is rather surprising as you'd think coming down to the 2 week mark of having my Thesis due there would be nothing extra going at all.  Alas, a lot has happened.  This will be a quick blog, only posting half for the fact that I would like to document the happenings of the week before I forget it all, and half because I just can't help myself really ha.

Indoor soccer finished for the season, we ended up 5th out of 6th on the ladder (which for a team that consists on non-soccer players, we were real happy with that ha!).  We even made it into the semi-finals (one game away from the Grand Final!)... which was lost but all good.  Unluckily for me... which I was not in the slightest surprised about really, is I hurt my knee badly on what was the Last. Game. Of. The. Season..!

Sigh ha.

Last Saturday I had an amazing day... I would hate to get ahead of myself here but I think it may actually be a bit of a life turning event really.  A 'butterfly effect' if you will, if luck would have it.  This year during my Honours year at Uni I met a guy called Rob, who is from the faculty of Psychology (I am from I.T).  It was just luck that our paths crossed really, we got along really well all semester.  A week or so ago Rob was telling me about his band (a side project he is working on), talking about their need for a new drummer.

"Hmm, Rod, did I ever tell you I was a drummer!?"

Long story short we organized a day where I could come down and jam with the band to see how we go, which went awesomely! I played better then I usually do, they loved my beats, the band members were really cool guys, it just fit really.  We played in a boathouse by the beach.  It just happened to be blue skies with the sun out that day, which we took full advantage of by having some beers and playing music right by the beach side... epic win =D

And with that I had one of my best days I have had... for a very long time that's for sure.  Mostly due the fact that, as I have mentioned throughout the year, I don't really have many good friends to hang with anymore.  The hint of being inducted into a group of really cool guys is quite exciting... but we shall see how we go.

Other then that I've been at Uni nearly every day since, chipping away at my thesis (which I will update soon).  Got a busy day tomorrow that has to be with my mates band Slightly Left of Centre... should be a fun day.

Well, I came to Uni on a Friday night, in an effort to get some thesis done.  Better get to it.

About to explode

Yikes... life is tough.  All of a sudden today I feel rather overwhelmed... I'm exhausted (didn't get much sleep last night due to housemates partying... on a weeknight...), I am stressed, stretched thin, balancing far too much with such little time with absolutely no help or anyone to turn to.  Some days, like today, I just hate the world in general, then regret all my interactions I have with people during the day because I know my demeanor was left to be desired, certainty not what that person deserved.

And it isn't just the fact that I have my thesis due (something I am way behind in)... there is just too much to do.  Work is going great, but I'm only half committed as Uni is always on my mind, then there is my health which I am barely managing to keep in check (feeling rather lethargic lately, suffering from dizzy spells and headaches randomly also)... then I've been in battles with my phone company, trying to get a damn new phone because my current one is just about dead... but they want to charge me $200 for leaving the contract 3 months early... sigh.

But, hell, I've been doing this amount of work since the beginning of the year.  I guess what really gets me the most is not having anyone to turn to, to bounce ideas off, to have a ear to complain to or wise words and advice to receive in return.

I think that can really make the world of difference... especially from the right person.  Or even just knowing that that is there for you when you need it can help also.

None of my friends or family even really know what I do.  Last week one of my best friends, as I was telling him what I've been working on at Uni lately, goes to me "Oh, are you doing Honours this year?".

I thought he was joking at first... I mean, how can it be October, and I have been Honours the entire year, and one of my better friends doesn't even know what I have been doing all this time?...

Sigh.

Last week a lucky charm my best friend Sabrina gave me at the start of the year finally broke.  It was some really cheap $2 thing, which according to Sabrina "gives the wearer great luck when it breaks".  I protested at first but she seemed to believe in it so I put it on my ankle and just forgot about it ever since.  Hers broke within the month, mine lasted 10 months... strange.  Anyways, it broke... and I guess after it had indeed lasted that long I kind of actually started to believe it might indeed bring some form of luck after all?

I guess work has improved greatly... and whilst my thesis is going terribly slow, it is at least moving forward and has a fair chunk done.  But... that's besides the point for me really, as it isn't work I really care about, nor my thesis.  The thing I want most out of anything I think is rather obvious... but I'd feel too much like a loser by actually typing out what it is so... yeah.

Sigh... it is already 12.58pm on a Tuesday... thesis is due in 4 weeks, and I am far too tired and downtrodden to get any substantial work done today.  Guess the day is still fairly young, we shall see what happens.  I've got a meeting with Sophie around 3.30... I chatted to her in the morning, she was her usual cool, bubbly self, and I was (due to the aforementioned above) pretty boring to be around... so I left in the hope I would be more cheery later on.

Here's hoping for better days.